Brother Preacher

C9.  Miss.  C6.  Miss.  B5.  Hit.  C5.  Hit.  I’m onto something.  D5.  Hit.  E5.  “You sunk my Battleship!”  Remember when board games were that simple?  I used to love playing Battleship.  There was just something special about that game.  Trying to find out where the other person placed their ships gave me a tremendous rush.  Battleship was quite simple.  It was basically a guessing game played by two people.  Sounds a lot like dating, right?  Relationships often turn out to be a great big guessing game. Why is it that loving a man/woman often seems like such a battle?  Am I supposed to feel like I’m battling in any relationship?  Why do I leave relationships with so many scars?  Do those scars ever heal or are they constant reminders of my past? 

The amazing thing about the game of Battleship is that it could be over in a matter of minutes.  As soon as you got to that battleship and sank it, the game was over.  There was no need to sink any of the other ships on the board.  The funny thing was that the battleship wasn’t even the largest ship (the carrier) or the most strategic ship (the submarine) on the board.  In the context of relationships, we often tend to push one another’s buttons until we get a hit.  Once we get on track with that hit, we keep on pressing, until we sink that battleship.  That is, until we find the place in the other person’s life that allows the tide to turn in our favor, we keep searching.  Why is it that a man feels obligated to go out with the fellas if his girlfriend decides to go out with some of the girls?  Why is it that a woman feels to need to have at least the same number of male friends when her boyfriend has female friends?  Sometimes the counter-attacks come in the form of a question: “Where are you going?” “When are you going to be home?” “Can you make sure you are home by ____?”

What is your battleship?  Is it the insecurity of not having a father (which may welcome the ”be home by” attitude of a girlfriend/boyfriend)?  What about Battleship Happiness?  Has someone hit you in the place of your joy and happiness?  Take a minute and look on the (in)side of your vessel and name it.  Make this personal before you read on.     

If I looked into the harbor of your soul would I see sunken ships all over the place?  Are there scars from past relationships that, when looked upon, bring shame, pain, and despair?  Maybe it’s the scar from an arthroscopic knee surgery that a past boyfriend/girlfriend performed (i.e. something that affected your “walk” with God).  Moreover, maybe it’s the scar from an open heart surgery performed by that person.  Whatever it may be, let’s go in and recover all that has been broken. 

How do I recover?  How do I ensure that my battleship is not lying on the floor of my soul?  I’m glad you asked. 

Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for a friend” (John 15:13).  The Greek word for life in this verse is Psuche (pronounced psoo-khay).  Psuche means the seat of the feelings, desires, affections, aversions.  This is where your feelings, desires, and affections are housed (i.e. seated).  Can you lay down your inhibitions, your doubts, your fears, your insecurities, and your emotions for that person that you claim to love?  True love is signified by this type of selflessness. 

Can you move outside of the mindset of a relationship being a battle and operate in love (laying down your “life” for that person)?  The same word for life is used in the following verse: “Whosoever shall seek to save his [mind, will and emotions] shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his [mind, will, and emotions] shall preserve it” (Luke 17:33).  Isn’t it funny how the more we attack and counter-attack the more draining a relationship becomes?  This is because we often opt for self preservation in relationships.  I want to encourage you to follow Jesus’ example when it comes to relationships.  Become selfless and lay down your mind, will, and emotions for others.  Even if the relationship doesn’t work, you still leave knowing that it was not your choice to battle that caused it to end.   

As much as I love Milton Bradley’s Battleship, I grew tired of playing the guessing game played by two people when it came to relationships.  Earlier I asked you to name your vessel.  Now I pray that God heals you and that your vessel is refurbished and upgraded by His Spirit.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  I pray that the S.S. Joy is again commissioned in your life.  If you simply begin to lay down your mind will and emotions and trust Christ, I promise the Captain of your salvation will take the helm (Hebrews 2:10).  And if someone does try and play the battleship game with you they will have a hard time finding your ship.  It will be hidden in Christ.   For the Word of God declares: “For you died (i.e. laid down your mind, will, and emotions), and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3).

Blessings,

Brother John

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Tree imagery appears throughout scripture when describing human beings.  When Jesus began to heal the blind man in Mark’s Gospel, He asked him if he saw anything.  The man responded and stated: “I see men like trees, walking” (Mark 8:24).  Jesus Himself used this imagery to describe the interconnectedness of human beings.  One of the most profound statements that He made as it pertains to relationships was this simple revelation: “…for a tree is known by its fruit” (Matthew 12:33b). 

One of the most frustrating things I notice in unhealthy/failed relationships is the lack of accounting when it comes to examining another person’s fruit.  Sadly, we mistake the honeymoon phase of dating relationships as the true nature and character of another individual.  Anyone can go on a job interview dressed up and ready to answer questions impressively.  This is precisely what dating tends to look like.  Putting one’s best foot forward increases his/her chances at getting hired.  I’m willing to bet you that a man will not reveal on the first date that he’s possessive, jealous, and insecure, complete with expectations that you treat him like his mother treated him.  I’m also pretty confident that a woman probably will not reveal that she is looking for someone to treat her like her last boyfriend or someone who knows exactly what she’s thinking without her saying it.  Nor will she reveal any other emotional baggage she may carry.  Let me give you a simple secret to help you see through that “impressive resume” on the first couple of dates: Time!

I know, it sounds really simple and I am pretty sure the heavens didn’t open up after that revelation.  Sadly, this truth is avoided like the plague when it comes to entering relationships and causes more frustration than most people would like to admit.  In addition to a tree being known by its fruit, Jesus also revealed that “[a] good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit” (Matthew 7:18).  Let me put it this way.  Entering a new relationship is like planting a seed.  When you begin to water that relationship seed, it will begin to break through any dirt (i.e. unrevealed vices) that either one of you have and reveal one another’s true nature.  Of course, that watering occurs by means of the “living water” (John 7:38).  Afterwards, things will begin to bud in the relationship and eventually trees will emerge with accompanying fruit.  Here’s the key: Whether or not the other person’s tree bears good fruit depends on their response to your watering.  Please hear my heart on this.  Developing a healthy relationship requires an effort on behalf of both parties.  Believe me, if you begin to feel like you are the only one attempting to develop your relationship then you will begin to feel unattended to and lack nourishment. 

After time has passed, then you can begin to properly evaluate a relationship and look for fruit.  The good thing about this process is that everyone produces fruit of some kind.  The only difference is the marketability of that fruit.  Would you go into a grocery store and buy rotten apples or oranges?  Why would you do the same thing as it pertains to a relationship?  Here are some things to look for when evaluating relationships:

“Now the (fruit) of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery…murders…” (Galatians 5:19-21b)

 1.  Is this person adulterous?

I know what you’re asking.  Isn’t this supposed to be a column on dating?  What does this have to do with dating relationships?  I’m really glad you asked.  “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:22).  Do you find him/ her looking at other women/men when you two are together?  This is an indication that they are adulterous; at least as far as their heart is concerned.  This bad fruit can help you when you examine the relationship.

2.  Is this person a murderer?

I don’t want to be misunderstood here.  I am not talking about people who may be imprisoned for taking the life of another person.  I am talking about people who are locked up in a different way.  Scripture is very clear when it says, “[w]hoever hates his brother is a murderer…” (1 John 3:15).  Does your significant other have disdain for other ethnic groups?  Does he/she make disparaging remarks about others that are hurtful?  God saw fit that this issue is serious enough to warrant mentioning and should lead each of us to examine the people in our leaves for this potential bad fruit. 

Some examples of good fruit: love patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Take time out now to examine your past relationships in order to avoid repeating the same mistakes.  Have you seen any of the fruit mentioned above at work in those relationships?  More importantly, can you take lessons learned from those situations and move forward with a new conviction?  The important thing about the blind man seeing “men like trees” in Mark’s Gospel was that his healing was incomplete.  He needed a further touch from Jesus.  With that touch, “he was restored and saw everyone clearly” (Mark 8:25b).  Although examining the fruit of others to evaluate our relationships is important, there is still a need to rely on and allow Christ to place His hand on those relationships for full clarity and direction.  If you keep these things in mind your relationship will truly become like a tree planted by the rivers of water (see Psalm 1:3) and flourish in Christ. 

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“Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.”-Colossians 3:6 (The Message)

The message is counter-cultural. When media portrays the fabulous life day in and day out then you can’t blame people for desiring that kind of lifestyle. Even Christians fall victim to the fabulous life mentality.

Take your mind back to the streets of ancient Capernaum, Galilee, and Cana. Barefoot, with one outfit, and with walking as his only means of transportation, a carpenter from Nazarene traversed the highways and byways in relative obscurity.

It wasn’t until he began his public ministry that people began to talk about him in the upper echelon of Jewish culture. And even then it was to complain that he spent his time communing with vagabonds, sinners, and prostitutes. Surely anyone who’d associate with these people had no aspiration to “make it” in Jerusalem. He was going about it all wrong. The religious leaders had it down pat. They had arrived. They knew what it took to get ahead and this Jesus of Nazareth was not going about it the right way.  Albeit for his quirky counter-cultural ways, they recognized him.  Yet, with this new found recognition, he desired to remain in relative obscurity, stealing away from the crowds in solitude for days.

Please see this: Christ’s platform was birth out of his obscurity and obedience.

Time and time again I see people who desire a platform more than they desire humility and obscurity. David’s story is quite informative here. What happened after David was anointed king of Israel? He was sent right back into the field to resume his duties as a shepherd. Obscurity.  It wasn’t until years later that he took his place as king. How did God know he was ready? Because he became a ” man after God’s heart” and not his personal agenda (Acts 13:22).

The obscure life drives you from a platform mind set to a lifestyle where you remain on your knees and have a desire that God’s heart and will to be revealed in and through you. This is the life that I desire. How about you?

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