Brother Preacher

5 Things I Dislike About My Wife’s Pregnancy:

1. Cravings
But didn’t you just say you liked her cravings.  Yes, but….one night she spoiled it for me.  I got home from a long day at work and she said it, “I want some fondue.”  What?  Fondue?  No ma’am.  I’ll go and get you anything else, but I am NOT going to sit in The Melting Pot to eat some fondue.  Does that even qualify as a meal?  Needless to say, she was relentless.  So I did what any husband would do…I called somebody to go with her…my treat.  ;)

2.  Date Night
Date night?  Why do you hate date night Brother John?  Night is the operative word.  Due to fatigue, Sheridan is no good after a certain hour.  I totally understand.  But here’s the thing.  She pretends she can hang.  ”I’m okay baby, let’s do it!”  I proceed to spend $25 on a movie and five minutes into the movie I realize she’s not “okay”.  I paid $25 for my wife to take a nap.  Awesome.  So, I’ve implemented a new rule.  Matinees for movies from now on.  We might also have to consider “Date Days” for the duration of the pregnancy.  Something about that sun going down that gets her every time.

3.  Urban Myths/Legends
*ring* Me: “Hello” 3rd Party: “What has she been eating?  Spicy foods?  It’s a boy!”  ”Morning sickness?  It’s a girl!”  ”Does she start walking with her left or right foot?”  How do these things have anything to do with the sex of a baby?  It’s baffling.  I laugh every time I hear a new theory on how to tell what we’re having.

4.  DV-R “sharing”
Cold Case…I hate you and everything you stand for.  Sheridan has hijacked the DV-R.  We’re officially “sharing” the DV-R, but even I know what that means.  I struggle to add my usual four-hour NBA games without filling up the DV-R.  At least she watches her stuff in a timely manner though.  I still have stuff from December…2008 in our DV-R.  Sigh.  Busy man, I’ve been busy.

5.  Burritos/Tacos
This could go in the cravings section, but it deserves its own recognition.  Every time I ask this woman what she wants to eat…time slows down and I anticipate these words: “King Taco”.  I used to love that place.  We’ve eaten it so much I told her our baby was going to come out speaking Spanish.  That’s why I’m trying to feed her as much southern food as I can to make sure I hear a few “y’alls”, “aints” and “fixin tos” from Baby Richards.

I joke, but this time of preparation has been quite awesome.  I hear so many horror stories about pregnancies.  I’m grateful that we’ve had no complications so far and that things have gone reasonably well.  No matter how many things I dislike about my wife being pregnant, she’s still the finest pregnant woman I’ve ever seen in my life.  And she’s mine.  All mine.  Praise God.

Blessings,

Brother John

The 5 Things I Like About My Wife’s Pregnancy:

1.  Cravings
Most men hate cravings.  It requires them to go to the store and pick up random items in the middle of the night.  I have a “preemptive strike” model that I employ.  I buy the random food before she craves it.  That way, I can keep my behind in the house.  Besides, I can’t hate the hamburger/pizza cravings too much.  They are two of my favorite foods.  I have to ride this wave  while I can.

2.   Dr.Visits
My first visit with her to see a sonogram of our baby was amazing.  I couldn’t believe how fast that little heart was beating.  It was quite amazing.  That is, until the second doctor we went to see (we’re in a network, early on the visits are with a few different docs) didn’t even acknowledge me when she walked into the room.  Ummmm, excuse me.  I’m the father of this child.  Recognize!!!!!  Woman tried to play me.  Can you believe that?

3.  “My wife is pregnant” excuse
One of the things I love the most.  Ever been at a social function and wanted to leave (or not attend in the first place).  I hate awkward silence and I dislike events that I don’t want to attend in the first place.  ”My wife is pregnant” excuse to the rescue.  Trust me,  it works wonders.  By the way, if you are reading this and I flaked out on something you invited me to…I wasn’t using the excuse that time.  For real, for real.

4.  Name Change
I’ve been trying for about 7 months to get Sheridan to go to Social Security and DMV to change her name.  Granted, they both are a huge hassle, so I understood when she didn’t go initially.  I had to draw the line when I saw her maiden name on our sonogram.  She was gracious enough to go take care both of them soon thereafter.  Nothing like seeing Richards on the sonogram.  That’s my boo….that’s my boo….

5.   Life/Legacy
Last, but not least, it’s amazing to know that I contributed to the life that is now in my wife’s belly.  I’m very excited about becoming a father.  Not only that, I’m excited about having someone into whom I can impart words of wisdom and a little one I can love on like crazy.  Fatherhood causes me to choke up (as evidenced by a recent episode during a sermon when I talked about fatherhood).  It’s something I very much look forward to.  Every time I see my wife’s belly, I am reminded that God trusted me enough to allow me to participate in one of the most sacred acts on this Earth…the creation of life.  And for that, I am grateful.

Blessings,

Brother John

5 Things I Dislike….up next….

Check out this sermon excerpt from a sermon I preached a few weeks ago in San Diego.  I pray that you are blessed by it.

Blessings,

Brother Preacher